Of Woman Possessed
Everything happened so quickly that it is difficult for me to articulate what it all meant. Still, I feel compelled to explore what actually happened during my confrontation with the guys from the corner. At the very least, I should point out that the words that were heard leaving my mouth by all of the participant victims of the confrontation served as a sort of vortex where my behavior converged with our very souls and simultaneously dissociated us from reality. Stated differently, what I said and did merged with time and space to momentarily become a surrealistic blur that served to transform our perceptions into an altered version of what we all take for granted as reality.
It was in this way that my rite of passage became an event of cosmic proportions. In light of the fact that reality is such a strong illusion, the behavior that I exhibited ultimately served as a physical matrix with which to anchor each of us to the world and kept us from feeling like physicists of quantum mechanics in search of matter. Understandably, it took at least a couple of days to fully reattach myself to the reality that surrounds me. It was as if I had opened a worm hole in the very fabric of my existence that had not fully closed and was in fact providing me with the time I needed to learn how to open and close it by my own volition. Needless to say, I don’t believe that any of us realized in advance that my rite of passage and the “confrontation ritual” that I had to endure was going to be an event of cosmic proportions.
During my gradual transition back from hyperspace I couldn’t help but wonder whether I was coming back as myself or as a hybrid that now included the creature with which I had been impregnated by Curley Tops. It was as if by listening to her council on those hot summer nights I had swallowed the first wife of Zeus himself and Athena had sprung forth fully prepared for battle. That is, what was I to make of the creature that was directly responsible for having sprung forth to shout the words that escaped my mouth and led to our dissociation with reality? After all, it is written that in the beginning was the word and I was beginning to feel that everything we take for granted as reality is actually made of the energy that can be transmitted in the form of words. Had she, in our long conversations on those hot summer nights, spoken words that served to impregnate my being? I began to feel as if I had been violated, raped, or even possessed?
When things finally returned to normal my life had already been changed. My days of junior sportsmen baseball and football or riding bikes and playing marbles had been relegated to the activities of another identity and would remain there for the rest of my life. I now possessed the inner sensibilities of a gang banger, complete with language and reactions. Curley Tops had taught me how to be the man that I needed to be to survive in my new environment. Still, there were many things that I didn’t fully understand.
My most significant point of confusion centered on gender identity. I couldn’t very well tell others that the man they see before them is but a reflection of the woman I have inside of me. After all, the guys on the corner were just as obsessed with sex as Curley Tops, only inversely. She believed that all the guys wanted to fuck her and all the guys wanted to fuck her. It also appeared to be a significant issue for the guys to maintain an image of masculinity, carried to an extreme. That is, they too discussed gender identities like Curley Tops did when she told me about Huggy Boy, but the guys did so with hatred and anger over any notion of gender variation. The bottom line was that I had to hide the feminine basis of my newly created identity or incur the wrath of the rest of the guys.