A Test of My Resolve

I had never really thought about my own physical and mental abilities or who and what I was as a person. Ever since I could remember, my focus has always been external, dealing with the lives of those that live in the world out there. Now that summer was officially coming to an end and I knew that it was time for me to face the music of the spheres, or at least the inevitable showdown with the gang bangers from the corner that were only too anxious to meet me, I found myself looking inward for the very first time and I quickly realized that what I was faced with was an ever growing sensation of fear.

The truth of the matter was that I didn’t know how I was going to react. Curley Tops made it clear to me that nobody could make me do anything, one way or the other it was only me that would determine if I was a pussy, as she put it, or if I would earn the right to walk down the streets of my own neighborhood. Naturally, all of my self-doubts came from my never having considered having to do violence to another person and it was clear that my impending confrontation was going to be about doing violence. My ignorance of self only served to feed my fear and I could feel my very soul shaking to the depths of my existence.

Looking back in retrospect, of course, I now realize that physically speaking, I could have taken 3 or 4 of those guys in a fight on any day of the week. That is, as a junior sportsman I had often engaged in physical combat with my friends and I knew full well that I was accustomed to taking on 3 or 4 guys in an all out battle for physical superiority all the time and I always came out the winner. In other words, not knowing how to fight was not my problem. Instead, it was not knowing how to do violence.

Finally, the waiting was over. Naturally, they waited until a time when Curley Tops was not around to protect me. Three of the guys from the corner, Black Raymond, Palillo and frog, began walking over to where I was sitting on the steps in front of Curley Tops’ house. When I think about this first encounter in retrospect I can’t help but laugh at what I must have looked like to these hardened children with my baseball cap, turned up jeans and sneakers. They, on the other hand, wore similar outfits that were reflective of the gang culture with khaki pants, Sir Guy shirts and French-Toe shoes. Given their probable expectations of me based on my appearance, I am not surprised at the complete look of dumbfoundedness that overtook them.

Once they were standing directly in front of me Palillo asked me who the fuck I was and where the fuck was I from. I never said a word. Instead, I grabbed him with my left arm around his neck, hit him in the gut with my right hand fist, bent him over and took him down to the ground where I was ready to continue hitting on him. It all happened so quickly that Black Raymond and Frog were left just standing there looking at us on the ground with me about to hit Palillo in the face at will. I looked at them with obvious anger in my expression and I asked them if I should hit him? Is that what they wanted to see? Should I continue to beat him?

It was at that moment that I first realized I had been impregnated by an alien. I let Palillo get up off the ground and I pushed him as hard as I could towards the corner where I felt he belonged and I went after his two friends to push them towards the corner as well. As I was a witness to what had just happened I was also in a position to hear myself tell them to get the fuck out of my sight before I kick all of their asses. At this point in time the universe itself had ruptured and time was warped into bubbles of differentiated abstract realities. I, of course, was completely mystified by the creature that broke out of my chest cavity and shouted the words I heard escaping from my mouth. Palillo was consumed with hatred, anger and defeat. Black Raymond and Frog were both lost in limbo having been jettisoned to the outskirts of infinity and realizing that they were unable to relocate the ground beneath their feet as they explored their own altered realities over what had just transpired.